Socrates famously stated, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” And yet, the unexamined life is still lived. We can reflect on the relative value of different activities and resolve to make repeated change. The power of reflection is vividly evident in the practice of athletes. It is possible by the force of great resolve and faithful repetition to train for a marathon. The person who sets a running schedule – and adheres to it – can prepare for a race she has never run in her life. And yet, if she does not reflect on her training, her resolved repetition may only serve to establish bad habits. Great runners reflect on their stride. Are they running on their heels? Are they altering their gait as they descend hills? This discipline of reflection is essential to learning to run well. If the unexamined life is not worth living, neither is the unexamined race worth running.

Reflective parenting is the discipline of asking those difficult questions. My repeated actions always represent what I value. But do they embody what I want to value? Where do I need to break out of a rut, or establish a new routine that will be good for my family? One of the most valuable questions for parents is whether a particular approach to parenting achieves its desired outcome. Some parents, desiring their children to clearly understand right and wrong, are harsh in correcting an inappropriate action. Their intentions are quite honorable: they want kids who know and choose what is right. But their actions, sadly, can have quite the opposite effect. If a father yells, “Don’t lie to me!” does it promote honest confession and repentance?  If the same father calmly but firmly asks, “Is that the truth?” is the child more or less likely to admit his fault? Taking time to reflect on the practice of parenting makes all the difference in the world. The resolve may be identical. The reflective resolve, used repeatedly, will produce a decidedly different outcome.