Normal
Every person’s sense of normal is shaped by repeated experience. The earliest years of life play a singular role in establishing a child’s sense of normal. For one child, yelling and aggression are the normal experience of home life; for another respectful dialogue and negotiation are normal. Whatever is normal for a child profoundly affects how she perceives other ways of life. The child accustomed to aggression will be baffled by kind but firm words, just as the child  whose parents speak respectfully will be shocked by those who use name-calling or manipulation.

Normative
A child learns norms in the course of repeated early experiences. Not only does a child learn what to expect; in the earliest years she learns what is expected – or normative – behavior. A child in one home learns that telling lies is wrong, and he must not do it; another child learns that telling lies is only unacceptable if you get caught. Of course, like a child’s sense of normal, what is normative is learned as much or more from experience as from direct instruction. The child who hears his mom tell a lie talking on the phone will naturally see this as normative behavior, even if she never says anything about truth telling.