Over the past year, I have volunteered to help with the chess club at my daughter’s elementary school. The students participate for an hour in a club that includes direct instruction in rules and strategies of chess, and lots of time to play the game.

One day I played chess with “Andrew,” and was struck by his inability to control himself. He interrupted the coaches, bothered the other students, and didn’t think through his moves carefully. I could only imagine how he behaved in the classroom during the school day.

Is there any skill more valuable for an 8 year old than self-control?

In Paul Tough’s new book How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity and the Hidden Power of Character, he argues that character traits and social skills (in which he specifically includes self-control) are more important than cognitive skills for children to thrive.

In chess club, that is certainly true. If you have self-control, you can listen attentively to the rules and strategies. You can wait patiently for an opportunity to put your opponent in checkmate. You can keep your cool even when your opponent has the upper hand in the game. Indeed, you can lose again and again – and learn from it to become a good player in all the senses of that word. It is no overstatement to say that self-control is a pivotal virtue that catalyzes learning, relationships, and human development.

Can you think of a more critical virtue for an eight year old?